He's Not Gay, It's Just Daddy Issues

 

When it comes to commentary, I always like to first take a look at the most popular ideologies regarding a subject. 

Bad behaviour from men isn’t new. They have been taking advantage of women and our ability and willingness to love them completely since the dawn of time. However, there’s been this new trend of attributing this bad behaviour to a DL status. Which just means they’re secretly gay and therefore they can’t form healthy emotional attachments to women. 

I heavily disagree. 

Hear me out.

Homosexuality & the History of "Down Low" Men 

Last time I checked the only requirement for being a gay man is that you are attracted to the same gender. I’ve never seen science add the inability to be loyal to women and emotionally attach to them as a determinant of homosexuality. I don’t understand how the two correlate with each other. I think there is a more sinister reason to this new phenomenon that I’ll reveal in a bit. 

DL men aren’t new, they have been around since humanity determined that same sex relationships were not only a sin but also illegal. People forget that we have only recently stepped into a society that is accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. So there is no way there are more undercover gays around today when it is legal and accepted, than when it was not. 

I urge you to not only use your brain but to close the very small world that exists in your phone, and step outside.

Giancarlo Esposito, Waiting to Exhale 

I do believe that the existence of DL men is an epidemic, however, I think it’s a separate problem from men that are incapable of treating women well. I also think the epidemic of DL men affect openly gay men as well. So, it can't just be all about women.

This epidemic has evolved but it's been around forever. Waiting to Exhale came out in 1995 and portrayed the relationship between a woman and her ex-husband who had been into men his entire life (although he thought he was bisexual at first before revealing he’s completely gay). So what were you saying about a man’s inability to maintain an emotional connection with a woman equating to him being gay? 

It's a next level of despicable to know your truth and decide to take years off a woman’s life by using her as a beard to save face. If you don’t want to come out and be who you are for your pride, then be alone. Leave women out of it. Why are you dating, marrying, even reproducing with women knowing your true desires lie with other men? 

Why Are Men the Way That They Are? 

This is a loaded question. There are a plethora of reasons why someone - of all gender appropriations & the pronouns (Rihanna reference) - is incapable of maintaining a loving and healthy relationship with another person. But seeing as this topic refers to a man’s tendency to gravitate towards other men I’m just going to discuss one. 

His relationship with his father. 

Daddy issues is such a complex topic, and seeing as I am a woman I am nowhere near knowledgeable enough on the subject to talk about a man’s relationship with his father. However, it doesn’t take a Psychology degree to understand why an absent father (both physically and emotionally) would affect a man’s ability to properly love someone else on a romantic level. 

Maintaining romantic relationships require a different level of effort and emotional intelligence than any other relationship we form with other humans. You cannot possibly boil those complications down to confused sexuality. 

Have you ever stopped to think that men treat other men better because they keep looking for the love they never got from their fathers? 

Maybe they’re searching for that approval from another man? 

Misogyny ensured that men would be at the top of the food chain, and in doing so they deemed emotions a weakness and assigned it to women. Not taking into consideration that having feelings isn’t a gender based experience. So now they reap the consequences of this, and yet women are still the ones that get the short end of the stick. Because now we have to deal with the constant heartbreak from scarred men who have no idea the first thing to do with emotion.  

You can’t blame a man for not knowing how to emotionally care for his son, it wasn’t something that was taught to him. Protecting and providing was what it meant to be a father and that is what they pass down to their child. So of course they’re going to tell a 10 year old boy not to cry, and to “man up” because if he didn’t then he’d have to let emotions in between him and his child and he has no clue what to do with that. 

So the cycle continues. 

I think this largely contributes to why a straight man will find himself preferring the company of other men. 

So Why The Allegations?

I think people are trying to gay-shame men into acting right. People are using this tactic to get men to be decent human beings to the women they’re with, in order to beat the gay allegations. But the joke’s on them because you can’t force a man to do something he isn't ready to do. Not even using their homophobia. 

Just find the men who are ready and able to commit and leave the men who aren’t alone. And if you can’t find one that is, then be alone or deal with their avoidant behaviour but don’t bring homosexuality into it. The sexuality of a person is an extremely individual topic and should never be assumed because they do something you don't like. We've progressed passed that as a society. 

Oh, don’t you think gay men also deal with men who are emotionally manipulative? What now, are those ones straight? Come on, use thy brain. It’s free. 

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