The Phenomenon of Attracting What You Fear

 A Case Study: Ariana Grande & TheWizardLiz

Now let me preface this by saying I am a massive MASSIVE Ariana Grande fan, and it was actually an interview she did on the eternal sunshine press run that made me realize most of what I am about to say. I am also not a fan of The Wizard Liz (given name Lize Dzjabrailova). I watched a couple of her videos many moons ago and her message along with her delivery was never my cup of tea. I’m pointing these out so you know that my biases to these women have no bearing on the opinion I’m about to give. 

I spoke about this a while back, when Liz had first become pregnant with Landon’s child and their break up was all over social media. An ever unfortunate consequence of being a public figure. Although the details of Ariana Grande’s breakup weren’t as public, it’s fair to assume that the content of eternal sunshine, and its deluxe, told enough about that story. So let’s start with fear. 

A powerful 4 letter word. 

Of course I’ve been afraid in my life, but there was one time I had a very bad experience with marijuana and that’s when I really understood fear. True, heart rate at 190, scared to open my eyes type of fear. It lingered for days afterwards, and subsequently months in smaller doses; even a sip of alcohol made me afraid. Anything that would alter my state of mind was avoided out of fear that it would bring back that fear. Do you see the cycle? This experience made me understand how completely psychological fear is and how powerful your mind is. The truth of the matter was that I was safely tucked away in my bedroom with no imminent harm threatening to come my way. There was nothing to be afraid of and yet I was. Intensely. So much so that I could feel the effects of it in my body. To this day it was such a crazy experience - put the drugs down!

Let’s get into the women of this subject. 

Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande-Butera & Ed Butera, Hampstead music video (YouTube)

Ariana Grande’s parents divorced when she was really young and she speaks of how she never had much of a strong relationship with her father (post-divorce) until recently. Which is why it was so profound that her father was the one that put her back together in Hampstead’s music video (truly I could do a thesis on that masterpiece of an album). She expressed that seeing her parents separate when she was young made her realize how badly she never wanted that to happen in her own adult love life. Listen "don't wanna break up again" by Ariana Grande for this same message. That song was my number 1 on wrapped in 2024 as a fun fact!

In ‘thank you, next’ Grande stated that she only wanted to get married once in her life, and in the interview I referenced earlier, she said through therapy and the experience with her ex-husband she realized that was a result of watching her parents' divorce. Her desire to find the one and get married to him was fuelled by a little girl who watched the two people she loved most separate painfully, and by doing the opposite of that she would right her world. But she didn’t do the opposite of that. She got married and got divorced just like they did, sans a child. In the interview with Zach Sang, Grande stated that she endured much more than she should’ve in that relationship because she needed it to work to avoid a fate such as her parents. And that continued until she got to that exact same end she was afraid of. 

It wasn’t until her own divorce that she understood that sometimes two people just aren’t well suited for each other and that's okay. She was able to forgive her father and appreciate the friendship that her parents have today. 

Before I get into Liz, Ariana Grande has spoken continuously about the amount of effort and therapy it has taken for her to get to that place. So, although Liz’s outcome isn’t the same, she deserves grace. She’s just human and she’ll figure it out one day too. 

TheWizardLiz

Now, Liz’s content has been focused on “women empowerment” and understanding that you are the prize and avoiding “bum” men. In every video I have seen from her, which isn’t all to be fair, she always refers to her father and what he put her mother through. She talks at length about him being a bum partner and dad; about him never leading the household or trying to do better in any regard, from being a better person to being a provider. Liz talks about how she will never end up trapped with a child to a man like that, much like her mother. Can you guess what happened? She will never be separated from Landon, no matter where she goes she will forever be tied to him through their son. In recent developments, it’s come out that the father of her child is in-fact very similar to her own father. He is a poor human being (cheating, deceiving, manipulating), and he is a bum in that he is trying to live off her money and using threatened sole custody of her child to get her to cooperate. It’s disgusting, but Liz has always operated from a place of ego and narcissism so she’s taking the longer route to get to being free from her fear. 

But in being shackled to the desire of not wanting someone like her father, she attracted exactly that without ever knowing. No matter how many precautions she took.

Basically...

My favourite subject in school was math (I know, random factoid but I’m getting somewhere I promise) and my old boss would always tell me I have a math brain for someone who works in Human Resources. The reason I loved math is that it’s an upside down pyramid, the equations start out long and complicated then it boils right down to x = y. And that is how I tackle everything in life, by breaking it down to its simplest form because it is in simplicity that we find truth. The complications from life and our experiences oftentimes add grayscale to things that are just black and white. So to get over fear, you have to break it down and make it as simple as possible and if you never go back to the root of the fear you’ll never get over it. 

Ignoring or dismissing the child within you that was traumatized by something doesn’t make that child go away, it only makes them stronger. And fear is powerful, especially in it’s delusional abilities. You cannot control your fear but you can overcome it and only then will you be free. 

Until then, you’ll only continue to bring the subject of that fear into your life to justify its existence. Your subconscious wants to say “see, I told you”, and that’s why you attract what you fear. 

My solution to this, much like my solution to every problem that stems from childhood trauma, is to go to therapy. Truly, there’s no clever method that’ll get you to break your complex issue down to its purest form other than talking about it to someone who is qualified to analyze psychosocial issues. 

Podcast Episode Referenced: Ari's Interview