Adulthood in a Picture
It truly is a crime that the start of adulthood is noted as the day you turn 18. Why 18? What’s so special about it? Is it because that’s the age most of the people in the western world graduate high school? It has no other significance to the end of being a teenager because 19 is right there, so why 18? Perhaps its the earliest that capitalism can start to bleed us dry because that’s the age we’re officially done with mandatory education.
Whatever the reason, I think of all the things that signifies adulthood, age is the most inconsequential. Adulthood does not welcome you when you turn 18, in fact it attacks you quite aggressively one random Tuesday when you realize this is indeed your life and no one is coming to save you. And yes, I know the current trend online is to talk about all the people that love you and will come to save you but no, they won’t. They can help you but this life that you are living at the moment is yours and no one around you is going to make it into something.
That responsibility falls on to you.
School is no longer keeping you organized and managing your life. There’s no longer accountability through grades and the completion of assignments. There aren’t a bunch of girls you see every day that become your friends, if you want friends you have to go out and get them and work to maintain that friendship. Your parents are no longer keeping you fed, laying out your clothes for you, and fixing every problem you can possibly have. It’s all on you now, and it is by far the scariest feeling but then it’s followed by the most freeing realization you can possibly have. It’s all on me! ME! I can do whatever I want, and it will all be on me.
No Is a Complete Sentence
As children we really figured out the key to life with the usage of the word no, then they snatched it from us, and adulthood gave it back.
Just, no.
Maybe I just don’t want to do this and I don’t have to, so the answer is no and that’s it. The realization that an explanation is never necessary is so beautiful and once I had it, I was begging for people to ask me things so I could say no without explaining myself. The high is unmatched.
When I decided to pack my life up and move to another country, I found myself over-explaining my reasoning and my plans because I needed approval from every possible person to assure me that I was making the right decision. When in reality the only thing that truly mattered was that I wanted to do it. Now when people ask me why I did it, I give the same answer: because I wanted to. No room for follow up questions, and if there are any, the answer will remain the same.
This search for approval from others will lead to constant misery because there is no greater agony than having to live inside a box that others put you into. The realization that there is no box and you can simply refuse the ideologies and demands of other people will truly set you free. But what does freedom mean?
What Does God Want Us To Do With Freedom?
"If I knew then what I know know, I would've said freedom is a rope and God wants us to hang ourselves with it" was Castiel's response to that question in Supernatural (my absolute favourite show ever made by the way)
I remember one day when I started living alone I had opened Google and asked if it was okay to eat cake for breakfast because I had a slice of black forest cake in my fridge and really wanted to eat it. But I didn’t know if I could, I was 25 at the time by the way. After reading through countless articles about the effects of having cold sugar and flower for breakfast, I looked at myself in the reflection of my phone screen and wondered what on earth am I doing. Just eat the damn cake. And I did, and nothing happened.
Before free will sets you free it will cripple you, especially if you don’t know what you want in life. The inability to make a decision out of fear that it won’t be the “right” one is a challenge in adulthood that I never expected.
Growing up, I couldn’t wait for the chance to be in charge of my life and do whatever I wanted to do but when I got that, I wanted to give it up immediately. And because my parents are adamant on me being a grown up I turned to the Father and signed over every decision I was supposed to make to Him but it seemed like He was also set on me being a grown up. So I hid from the outside world for a while. I didn’t talk to anyone, I didn’t leave my house because I didn’t know what to do with my life and I didn’t want to be forced into a position where I had to figure it out. So I stopped living and I pretended as if life wasn’t carrying on, as if I was suspended in time and nothing was happening. And that was me hanging myself with free will. But that could only stand true for so long.
Then one day I remembered that I always wanted to learn how to draw and I thought to myself “What’s stopping you?” So I went out and got a sketchpad and pencils and opened YouTube. That’s when I realized I could truly do whatever I wanted. Then like a river, the possibilities of what to do with this life flowed out of me and they were endless. There was nothing that was too outlandish, or impossible for me to do or to be. It got to a point where I had a new dream, a new goal, every day. It was beautiful, and I started using that rope to climb to whatever life I wanted. A better life.
The knowledge that the world is your oyster is amazing. The knowledge that you have all the control, and all the power is wonderful but then it comes with a really scary word; responsibility.
With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
If only life could be peaches and roses and consequence-free.
The comfort in letting your parents make all your decisions and having school hold you accountable is knowing that whatever happens is never your fault. They’ll fix it all. They have contingencies and the smarts to fix whatever problem happens in your life. Now? It’s all up to you. And to reduce the amount of stressors in your life you have to be knowledgeable about the decisions you’re making.
So yes, while you can do anything, just know that everything has effects. Nothing you choose to do in this life comes for free, everything has a cost. So when doing something, just ensure you’re willing and able to pay the cost.
But don’t obsess too much. Life isn’t THAT serious. It’s not all or nothing, and it’s never a one and done. The beauty of the sun setting into darkness is that it rises another day and you can try again. Even if you mess up.
Be present, be aware, and always appreciate a lesson learned and you'll be fine.
You're Doing Amazing Sweetie!
Give yourself as much grace as possible as you tackle this new and everlasting stage of life. Do your best every day even if it doesn't look or feel like the best.
Navigating this life will always be hard but realizing that you can say no, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, and you can truly do anything you want (with consequences) makes it a lot easier and far more enjoyable. Try it today!
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